Growing

So I've been struggling the last few days regarding some friends I had in college not wanting to interact with me OR maybe they are busy enjoying their lives and I'm just being a baby because I have nothing else to complain about.  WOW, there was a nice BIG shift for me, just writing that down.  Well let's look at the situation a little closer and see if we can't get some more change.  A friend/neighbor from college came to Portland with his wife for their anniversary and he didn't ask to meet up with me or didn't want to say 'hi I'm in town' LOL (well maybe it's not a trip for us but for him and his wife to be alone) [well there's another shift] AND finally a friend of mine I spent a lot of time with kayaking, snowboarding, and drinking came in town and he elected to stay with my ex-wife instead of me and Gary; this one is seeming to impact me the most.  I have tried to create every scenario as to why this would be, he doesn't like gay people and isn't comfortable being around me, he thinks I'm going to try something with him, he likes Amber my ex-wife more than me, and on and on and on my mind goes.  Well maybe he prefers to be with Amber because it makes him feel more comfortable; makes sense to me I do the same thing!

Here's the thing I have changed a lot since I last saw him and in a number of ways.  I don't drink anymore and I have a boyfriend.  I'm pretty sure this person still enjoys drinking and maybe the fact that I'm sober is hitting on other cords for him too.  I DON'T KNOW, what I do know is this.  My life is amazing, I am blessed with healthy kids that choose to bring their friends over to my house to hang out after school, I have a hot boyfriend that's been with me for 4+ years, I have a healthy company that gets me excited.

When we decide to change we need to be ready to let things go.  When we diet we say good bye to donuts.  When we decide to stop drinking we say good bye to bars.  My life is great and if other people are creating great life's for themselves and it doesn't include me than I am grateful for a god that gives ALL of us the amazing opportunities we want or need.

Balance

I heard someone say today that "balance is that place in the middle when I'm swinging from one extreme to the other"

What the hell is balance and why do I need or even want balance in my life?  I'm totally fine working out 2+ hours a day until I burn out and decide to play X Box 360 for 5 instead until that's no good and ice cream and cookies and TV take over; Hell I can even swing on over to work and take on 3 or 4 'full time' jobs.  You may ask how do you do that, well I don't do any of them very well is what really happens.

I had someone share something with me recently that's got be thinking about balance and a full life the idea is to even distribute your time into boxes of high and low intensity group and individual things.  Mine looks something like this.

Group
=====
High Intensity - Indoor Soccer (once a week), Little League Softball Coaching (twice a week)
Low Intensity - Spiritual meeting (2-5 times a week)


Individual
========
High Intensity - Crossfit (I workout alone mostly), Work (I work at home alone),
Low Intensity - ?


So that's pretty much me... I guess.  I think the idea is to find more things in each category to help create a better balanced life.  I really struggle to find a low intensity thing I do alone (on a consistent basis) meditating could be one but, I do that only when my head is screwed up.

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Today is Audree's Birthday!  She is 11 years old today and I don't think she will know the full extent of how she changed my life.  That little girl is so special and today I am glad that I can say I will be there for her and I will be present for HER birthday this isn't my celebration it's hers and we will make it super duper just for her.

Happy Birthday sweet heart, I love you.

If today was your last day

So this morning I was talking with a group of people about "If today was your last day, what one thing would you do"

Immediately my mind went to 'picnic with the kids and Gary' not too creative but it was my first thought.

In this group discussion I have with my friends we have a format where the person that sets the topic then asks if people want to share the first guy that shared is a very influential person in my life and his comment was "I'd try for my first time in my life to be 100% present in the moment, to be grateful for everything that came to him in that day... and he wouldn't have to worry about planning anything in the future" :)

Next, thought that crossed my mind was the Simpson's movie where all the drunks run from the bar to the church and all the church folks run to the bar.

The more people that talked the more people said BE PRESENT, it's funny how when facing death you realize how important it is to be present in your life and appreciate what's right here right now.  I guess that leads me to:

"Life is so simple but we insist on making it complicated" - Confucius

Just be here, right now, be grateful for the EVERY thing that occurs in your life (even death, even donuts)

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So on another note, we went to the Wanderlust Circus last night in Alberta and it was really great!  We were celebrating adding a new developer to our project so we went out for Sushi, a show, and Ice Cream and donuts afterwards.  The girls were very reluctant to go and as usual in the end they really loved it!  It was an amazing time, it felt like this old time side show, the music was right out of the 50s with a creepy feel to it and some amazing acts including, a strong man lifting and throwing a woman around, a tap dancer, a lassoing cowboy, and an amazing handstanding woman.  You know yesterday could of been a good candidate for my last day.

 

leave no stone unturned

So, committing to blogging once a day is a challenge!  I'm in a mode where I am looking at getting work done and the creative bowels have been evacuated.  I guess it's ok to be in just a daily grind...  Well I will share something that' been of interest to me in the last couple days.  We just added a new developer to one of our projects (the French 911 system project), I guess this has/is having some thoughts run through my head about the things that get presented to us and what we choose to do with them.  So, about 3 weeks ago this guy emailed me and then we had a Skype conversation about a project he was pursuing and he was asking if I'd be interested in a CTO position.  I told him I'd entertain the idea... well time went on and I really paid it no mind although we did have some nice chats and the guy knows his stuff around Java development.  So anyways the project seemed to just fade off; that's when he emailed me back and said 'hey did you hear from them' I said 'no I didn't' and he said they hadn't contacted him either, so I kindly replied 'well if you have something come up in the future let me know I'd be happy to discuss it with you'  his response was 'the way things are going right now I'll be asking you for a project' that's when I asked for his resume and rate; next thing I know he's on our project working with us from Dublin, Ireland.  It's really a bizarre story and the thing I'm picking up is there is this great force putting things together and if you choose to investigate, explore, and feel these experiences; well they may just affect you in ways that will surprise you.  I am a firm believer that everything is perfect; that the experiences I am having right now are part of something bigger, I also believe that I can make decisions to impact this out come positive/negative (good/bad).

So anyways that's my blog for today, I guess the saying 'leave no stone unturned' is fitting for me right now.

A REAL housewife of Portland

The other day it occurred to me just how really blessed I am.  I was at home ALONE doing the dishes after I had just spent some time on the phone with some developers in Tennessee and my guys down in Costa Rica (I'll blog about them later).  So it just hit me that I am so grateful to be able to work from home, make a good living, and be here for when my kids go to school and come home.  I tend to take an hour+ break and workout (crossfitter here...) during the day.  It occurred to me WOW, life is REALLY good!  I also had the thought of this, I don't need to be worried that I'm not the CTO of a fortune 500 but, I'm the owner of a small business with NO office in Portland (well technically I'm still paying rent on a spot but, I'd be happy to let you have it) and an office in Costa Rica with 8 people working in it.  It seems kind of ass backwards I know but, I truly feel that this is God's design for my life and it's just awesome; more than I could have ever imagined or hoped for.

So this housewife started soccer back up last night and my oldest daughter Hannah came with me.  A long time friend of mine from Elementary school invited me to play and it was a lot of fun.  Next year I'm taking up hockey, that's it I've decided I want to play; oh did I mention I can't skate for shit!

Well for all you other housewives out there here's to you!  Have a wonderful day and remember the kids grow up so fast you blink your eye and their in middle school, do it again and their in high school, college, married, and in another state...

Love your lives my fellow housewives!

 

I won the 2014 Crossfit Open

April fools!  Well... if I think about this for a minute I did win. I conquered it, I showed up for all 5 weeks and I put the best out that I had for that day.  For me the Crossfit season ended Friday and here's my results as I stack up against the world, the NW region, and at my local box (gym)

52nd percentile world wide

55th percentile in the NW

8th in my box (gym)


















So, am I happy with my results sort of; like I said I finished, I did it.  This last year for me was really about developing 2 new skills Muscle Ups and the Snatch.  I spent almost 3 full months on the Snatch and I saw HUGE improvements (full snatch 170#) however, while pursuing this I did very little aerobic work and well... the Games is VERY aerobic think Jane Fonda with a Barbell.  The Muscle Up was another major part of my training, well really developing pulling strength and that development lead me to be able to link 3 unbroken Muscle Ups.

Ok Ok OK enough the BS excuses, so what's the goal this year?  To kick ass and take names at the Open next year!  My strength numbers are good Back Squat is 405, Clean and Jerk is 235#, Push Press is 230#, Snatch is 170#, and Deadlift is 420#.  So, the focus has to be increase aerobic output and so we begin.  Soccer season starts for me tomorrow and I haven't played in a couple years :/

Congratulations to everyone that competed this year in the 2014 Crossfit Open it was a lot of fun!

Picture me blogging

So, I started a blog in 2009, made 4 posts realized I wasn't a millionaire or living with a super model so I stopped... (at least that's what I guess happened).  Well, the year is 2014 I just finished the Crossfit Open and I'm ready to reboot the blog.

The name of my blog is 'yes we can buck' I'm Buck (at least that's what the tattoo on my ankle says) and I want to chronicle my adventures my evolution of things I can and/or have done.  We humans are amazing; we have the vast well of potential and I want to share my life process here.

What to expect from my blog?  A lot of Crossfit talk, training blog, nutrition, TRAVEL, my sports and probably some bitching and moaning.

So with no further adieu, WELCOME to my life.