Growing

So I've been struggling the last few days regarding some friends I had in college not wanting to interact with me OR maybe they are busy enjoying their lives and I'm just being a baby because I have nothing else to complain about.  WOW, there was a nice BIG shift for me, just writing that down.  Well let's look at the situation a little closer and see if we can't get some more change.  A friend/neighbor from college came to Portland with his wife for their anniversary and he didn't ask to meet up with me or didn't want to say 'hi I'm in town' LOL (well maybe it's not a trip for us but for him and his wife to be alone) [well there's another shift] AND finally a friend of mine I spent a lot of time with kayaking, snowboarding, and drinking came in town and he elected to stay with my ex-wife instead of me and Gary; this one is seeming to impact me the most.  I have tried to create every scenario as to why this would be, he doesn't like gay people and isn't comfortable being around me, he thinks I'm going to try something with him, he likes Amber my ex-wife more than me, and on and on and on my mind goes.  Well maybe he prefers to be with Amber because it makes him feel more comfortable; makes sense to me I do the same thing!

Here's the thing I have changed a lot since I last saw him and in a number of ways.  I don't drink anymore and I have a boyfriend.  I'm pretty sure this person still enjoys drinking and maybe the fact that I'm sober is hitting on other cords for him too.  I DON'T KNOW, what I do know is this.  My life is amazing, I am blessed with healthy kids that choose to bring their friends over to my house to hang out after school, I have a hot boyfriend that's been with me for 4+ years, I have a healthy company that gets me excited.

When we decide to change we need to be ready to let things go.  When we diet we say good bye to donuts.  When we decide to stop drinking we say good bye to bars.  My life is great and if other people are creating great life's for themselves and it doesn't include me than I am grateful for a god that gives ALL of us the amazing opportunities we want or need.